My Mother's Dance

I didn’t want my mother to be my buddy, I was thinking back in times of resentment and anger, as a teenager. I wanted her as my mother, as the umbrella that protected my growth, as the one who would kiss my wounds when I barely could stand on my own and I fought her and the world when she didn’t meet my expectations. What is a mother anyway? How do I define her? mama, The IE root for MA, MAMA, MAMMALIA and MOM is ma-mother. The American Heritage Dictionary declares, when presenting the Indo-European root, that MA is 'an imitative root derived from the child's cry for the breast (a linguistic near-universal...) From breast in latin, a breast is the organ of containment, a container of nourishment, close to the heart, both breasts side by side of a heart who vibrate into this liquid of nourishment.
The baby is born, it is screaming into life to announce its arrival and seeks the comfort of the mother’s heat, to be nourished, to be fed, to be had with the essence of mother’s milk.

When do you leave the nest? The nest of this nourishment, when do you begin to fend for yourself, is there a time limit when mother is no longer someone who you reach for. Share with, tell each other stories. Not to long ago I layed my head on my mother’s lap, I am 47 now, I was laying on the floor near her and I felt like a child. She gently touched my cheek with her hand, brushed my hair away and told me that everything would be ok. It’s a moment in time I never forget, those moments that remain within you for a lifetime, always there to remind you of the gentleness, of the bond that two human beings can share.

So where did we separate? When did we become separated? When did I start searching for something that was already within me and relentlessly torn from every fiber that came between us.
It seems it all started when I was born. I was not suppose to happen and nothing was in our favor in those days. She was 15, ready to experience life in a different way than pregnancy.

What happens if the baby is barely held, barely if not at all breast fed, do we spend a lifetime seeking that heat, that closeness, that mother’s breast of warm, sweet milk that fills the baby’s entrance into life.

What if that hole is filled and the heat is generated within oneself. The heat in a dance, as the body move and warms into the rhythm of sound waves that invites the joy, the passion of existence. The stillness then settles in and becomes part of this reality and I can accept her loving hands as they embrace what I am today. Each time my mother comes close, I accept. Each time she touches my face I accept the love she has always wanted to share and didn’t know how before.

My mother moves with determination as the years go by and perhaps now I don’t need to explain everything that I am ready to fight with her about. Now is a time to gather in a family that has not known about gathering, it had been innate in the past but other energies intruded and distorted what was right and was wrong. We accepted all that came our way.

Now love is leading the way and we are opening doors to the freedom of our hearts. It takes a village to move our consciousness, even those strangers on the other side, even those strangers who speak a foreign language, it is no longer relevant because we are speaking from the language of the heart.

John Hardy: My green school dream | Video on TED.com

John Hardy: My green school dream | Video on TED.com

My Concept of God

It is an energy that flows within the Universe
the one that animates the wind,
that fires the heat,
that dances among each body
and the transformation of sounds so we can hear.

It is the language of the heart
that speaks to me the most,
The Spirit that accompanies all experiences,
survival, transformation and wellness
It is the one waiting while supporting growth
waiting patiently,
through each heartbeat,
for growth and evolution,

It is a God that supports my nuggets of awareness
as they move into my awakening and
supports my movements into taking action as I amend
and give you my truth into the totality of beingness!

It is the union of peace and harmony in my heart and the calling
I am claiming to be part of my tribe,
to contribute further healing.
To contribute towards our joy together into this planet,

My concept of God has changed and I have open my heart
to be in this light and in the love we all share.

Intuition

Intuition feels like a conversation with the Universe
like messages in the sky
like a feast of hummingbirds celebrating in flight
and the heat rising from the heart’s desire to be free.

my friend calling on the other line
how are things she says?
Things are great,
lots of gratitude
dancing in grace
as I let myself be embrace by it all,
as long as it is harmony, peace and lots of joy.

She is a painter
and shares her art and joy,
how she studies and plays
while letting go of a nicotine addiction,
who overtook and lead her life.

Now she is free
connecting the new dots
and living a life
connected to her heart
I tell her I agree we’ve been survivors
for too long,
now its time,
its time to thrive!
i look up at the sky
as if something gently lifts my chin,
and there is a dance in the sky,
a red-tailed hawk
being followed side by side
by two crows,
the hawk smoothly flying
expanded
in agreement of an open door to thrive,
that is it,
they slowly disappear into the sky
until their dance only remains
in our words,

my friend agrees,
she tells me then about the
story of her knowledge of crows and eagles.

a story of its own later to be told.

For the Addict Mind

It is very slick and slivery
gliding through the cities alleys and
back entrances like a thief

its a body full of tricks
a magician in its trade
luring you with goodies
and sweets of all sorts

they last a few lollypop surrenders
until the last chew just to sticky to be true
and then immediately another one
just like that
at your disposal.

It is always waiting,
most times uninvited
oh so seductive
accommodating
wiling to go to any lengths

The seductive body
dresses in black
and rarely shows its face
but its swirls of addiction
correlates with your downfall

So take the back sit
please,
lets stroll in this new sobriety
where we can both be lured
into the hearts pleasure
where your insatiable hunger
can be replenished
and satisfied.

Breathing

The Earth breathes and moves mountains, it seems at times, or swirls into joy with great waves in the oceans to greet the walks I take to soothe my feet.
The wind blows right next to my window to wake the other breath in me, as I breath it seems to respond by brushing through the plants and trees.

I've been awake a long time this morning, wanting to rest inside yet moving from and to different rooms in this beautiful house. The air is cooler as fall approaches and the new moon begins to settle in .
What new callings to be placed among the space and time of this reality? What new vibrations other love to be evoke among the tribes and community of this global encounter.

I saw many movies this past month from documentaries, comedies and steamy romantic films. Injustice, challenges, evolutionary change and passion. The young women in Ethiopia shunned by the injustice of shame, humiliation by losing their child during childbirth: A walk to Beautiful...worth watching, just on the other side of the globe. An "People of the Wind" of the Bakhtiari journey into the Zagro mountains of Iran, if your migration seems challenging and doubtful at times try watching this last one.

I look over to the winding on my right where a beautiful small tree guards my room and on its branch sits a hummingbird ever reminding me of the joy in life and sustain this mood into the unknown.

An Inch of Possibilities

An inch of possibilities filled the space and time,
to extend my wings and embrace the child
who came from afar in a calling of love
under the cloak of stars,

here my wings forever fly with you at heart
I put my words aside and feel your skin and breath
here you come again after so many days apart
and I hear the winds cycling in to meet again
as the pure inch of possibility

To hear you voice dear child-man
and laugh out loud as the sun accompanies
each step we take side by side,

you know I love your stories
even if the words don't make in reverse,
all that matters is this seconds of possibilities
and we meet again,

the mother questions and frowns over there and
past in uncensored gaps of time
and all the matters is that your sounds is near

with another gathering
another you and me!
in the best noodle place we always eat!

love,
Mom

La Pucelle, 1412 - May 30, 1431

This you are today and everlasting,
as the fire and wind blended
and travelled with your ashes

Oh Great Warrior you sing
through time indeed
as open sunflowers caress
your dance through the fields
of time.

Immortal lineage blossoming
with your dance,
and the victories of your perseverance
as you marched in battle
with purpose and trust as the emblem
of your vision of light and God

All in the same you came to know
the humbleness in your message
yet piercing through the fear and weakness,
what battles you gave!

This is poem is for you,
for your fire lives on,
and teaches greatness and loyalty!

From My 5 year old:

I am terrified to be eaten alive.

This is the year that it all happened and never again will I speak_

Never again.

There I died. The rest is history. In my black eyes,
everything I knew will be shut down
and no one will know the truth because I won't remember,
anything else anymore.

This is the year that my skin broke into a million pieces and I was
setting the tone for everything to be.
Closed.
Like closing down a shop_
No one would be able to reach me, not even myself.
This is the age were the birds separated from my well
and no longer approached_
Leaving behind all the memories
behind_
The long black hair that covered my face is my shield.

One of the many.

French Champagne Cafe

Sitting in a café with a soft roll to comfort the zone and bareness of many with held emotions, a set of accumulated rabbits in the wonderland well that are comforted in each bite.
A few tables down a conglomeration of Jesus lovers, mostly women, in fact all of them are women and a black preacher speaking of the love of God, that all you need is the love of God. They slowly read verse 14.1 to give you a number because it simply slipped my mind as to the exact quote.
“let me free of this resentment” say it over and over until there is no more resentment and Christ has healed me, one of them in a very low tone says.
I believe the Lord heals physically too…says another.
There is the laughter of some as they agree with gratitude, you can tell some have awakened within and it is their community within a French café down the road where I use to live.
14th chapter 22nd verse, says the preacher in low, deep wide voice that vibrates in my body.

Miracles
The accountability of each action.

Many things overwhelmed me today. Speaking to my landlord, I wanted to know if the check was on the way. Her tone…of: I am going to lie to you, to your face and act sweet like it is beyond her control as she releases responsibility to her accountant. That he will decide what to do as far as the deposit and things that were broken in the apartment.

“Be Humble like a little child”…the preacher speaks and the women interpret as they give examples of humbleness. Humility vs. humbleness. It is a lineage distortion that humbleness is something you feel humiliated about and then the Ego steps in to defend those threatened fibers that were left exposed so others can see. I can see know all those techniques to defend as the world unravels before my feet. Those were the branches that grew defected by the distortion of not knowing the difference between humiliation vs. humbleness. The other humbleness is a realm of pure silence where the simplicity, the practicality of an action is breathed right into the belly and all that humbleness is radiating with love towards every surrender, naturally revealing as the heart opens.