This is story of Guia and Jackie and it could be the story of Maria and Joy or any two women for that matter, but it is our for the moment. We had been called to come together for weeks now.
For some reason or another I had postponed it, moving, too much work or too long of a drive. But today something in me felt a calling so nothing was out of the way, the day had its challenges but it was bright and shiny, warming every bone in me. Somehow the fwy was packed, it almost seemed impossible to cross the downtown area. I am here she says, waiting for you, just put on some good music.
As I arrived the flower pot by the door is holding a plant, a gift from one of our encounters. It is strong and has long arms of green leaves stretching from one side to the other. I remember sort of, the feeling is within me, this forgetfulness is part of the unconscious energy that I have used as a shield, as a way to avoid participating in life. Remember she says the song I told you to listen when I left to Italy when you left your job at auto shop…pause…yes sort of, I don’t remember the lyrics but I remember the feeling, smiling. The unconscious energy again of not being fully present and missing out on the gifts that have always surrounded me and then poof they are gone.
We climb up the mountain, it is hot and I am ready to release the ashes from all the journals burnt a week ago, I carry them in a green and white plastic bag, it is heavy. I had decided to release them here at the top of the mountain, thank every single ash full of stories, healing and experiences that brought me to where I am now.
So we stand towards the north, I can barely open the bag, she tells me I just have to make a hole. It is hard to let go of so much history, so much healing and the swallows are dancing above, it feels right and I let go, I thank every journal, I am grateful for Guia being my witness, standing next to me, smiling.
We walk down the trail after the lightness sets in and I tell her you know I feel resistance with you, she says I know I feel it, just releasing that truth it opens a door.
I tell her that that story about the sexual abuse talks to me, I feel it is very courageous to bring it out, I have tried to write about it but I can not connect the dots, I see your healing and how you are connecting the dots. Yes, she says and now I am allowing the little girl to speak, I’ve only just began…I pause, I want to know more, I thought I was connecting to this little girl but then I forget what she sounds like, I start seeing her in my mind about 5 or 6 years old, write about it she says, tell the story and I think we are starting to remember, its about remembering. and then we notice a hummingbird, it crosses out path and sits on a branch of a bush above on the right side as we approach, as if it had been listening to all that we said, we get closer and realize the hummingbird is just above our head, sitting on a branch looking right and left, it doesn’t move and we start communicating saying thank you for sharing this path and what a gift it is to be so close to you and how beautiful this day…it comes straight to my left eye fluttering its wings at their incredible speed, so close to my face, to my eye and it moves right in front of the left side of my face, over and to my left ear, the sounds of its wings is so strong I close my eyes and the thought comes over my mind, it is healing me and it is sprinkling its healing energy.
I want to open my eyes but before I do it flies away and I am left speechless, never before have I found an encounter so close and so clear, this presence today had all the answers of a lifetime and the word Onward that seems to be appearing over and over again has finally meaning.
What is the message now hummingbird? What do I need to see? How do I connect the dots in my healing so I continue to gather energy and share the stories needed for healing in this lifetime.
This is the path of two women in the process of healing, remembering once again the pure, clear and transparent energy that we are. Two women walking side by side in synchronicity as the wounds heal.
As I remember and acknowledge that all that sexual energy as a child was taken by force now I am regaining and feeling the difference between unconsciousness and full awareness in this lifetime. It is not good or bad only that am able to see the difference and trust fully in the process of walking in my wholeness. I have nothing to loose, I was made believe that I lost everything while everything has always been within me.
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