Reacquainted with Tobacco

I am here in this path learning about relationships.

Relationship with self, relationship with family, friends, lover, Mother Earth, creatures, beings of nature, is a creative thread that allows my heart to open and learn to receive and give.

Learning how to relate to the other and communicate, share my feelings, messages of whatever is going on beyond my ego. One of the reasons my growth has remained in the adolescent stage is the fear to unbind, to take risks for fear of being rejected, not loved, made fun of, not being part of, seeking validation. So it has seemed safer to sneak through life and remain unseen, small and insignificant than to share with you what I feel, how I feel, what to feel when I don’t even allow the space for true feelings. The stage of victimhood and survivor were roles I took on early in childhood, these were in a way a learning experience to mark a difference between responsibility and a being who thrives.
They lingered in my life as a stage of survival and it certainly served its purpose for many years but now other tools are emerging loud and clear. Now rather than survival and protection they have become a hindrance and too heavy to bear.
For example, the healing relationship with the garden, showing up for this experience has certainly changed my view of life. The new relationship of the power plant tobacco is something I wanted to write about. I was given seeds by my teacher David Elliott in HT4 for sowing and learning about, to distinguish the difference between my misuse and the true interaction that exists between us. It’s not specifically the tobacco plant or seeds but my relationship with mother Earth. Learning about respect between us is the lesson I am experiencing. My first reaction as the seeds were being passed around was to repel, to abstain because of my abuse and misuse of it. Then as it got closer I felt there was a huge opportunity in learning from it. Take and learn from it because there are many stories unfolding from it, I heard. So I wrapped them in the white soft tissue and put it away carefully in the zippered pocket of my bag.
That is the beginning.
Sitting in meditation around the garden this morning I quietly search for a place to grow the seeds, I realized that in order to have a relationship with these new seeds, I like to know more about its past. The only thing I knew up to now is that I smoked it early on in elementary, it was cool, it shut off the noise. It also kept me away from everyone, including myself. So for the next 30 something years I continued to misuse it, throw it away in hopes of quitting and if there were moments of consciousness to stop, I did but only temporarily.

The seeds are very small and abundant. They feel tiny but powerful like each one a night on its own. Fertility and prosperity among them, that is what it feels like. I planted them over the compost ground then I saged the area and sat quietly with the full moon and slowly layed them over open ground to begin. I come early each day to see if any of them have surfaced yet.
For the Native American community, tobacco is viewed as a plant with sacred character, and it is a mainstay of native ceremonies. For some Native American tribes, tobacco smoke has been traditionally used to cure illness, to purify, and as a form of prayer. Some tribes cultivate tobacco crops as a reflection of great respect.

So I come to addiction and how this plays in our lives, in my life. It can be in the genes, it can be a pattern learned early on through family, I don’t know if its exactly one thing or the other but I can see that if the spirit is broken, ignored, empty or absent many different sets of addictions come in. It’s like becoming blind and substituting the vision for what seems to comfort the eye but with the lack of Spirit the tendency to fall into or draw in harmful ways to soothe the emptiness is temporary and it seems to create a greater hunger and never ending feeding.

The relationship needs to be honored, cherished and tended to carefully. Watching with awe as it grows among the furrows each day. They are being watered daily as the seeds germinate and break through among the fertile soil that we’ve become. There are no guarantees but the success is in not giving up because there is always a possibility. A new idea. One of the healers I’ve been working with told me recently: Are you willing to walk the tight rope and I say yes everyday now! To find the rhythm of time, to weave through the cycle of the day, to atune without the addiction is another great success and in that success I learn a new relationship.

These are the new seeds of tobacco and corn...slowly germinating towards the sky!