Starting Over

There is always a beginning when the truth is lay out on the table. All the thoughts of what you think that other person is doing or saying about you vanishes like a snowflake melting on the horizon, when you find out its really about you. So that is exactly what I did. It was time to move out of the paranoia and the deep serious talks I was having with myself and asking my friends: Is everything alright? When really it was me who was out of alignment. What does that really mean? I was not connected with Spirit, I was in my head instead of my heart. I was being driven, seduced by another wave of energy that I don't ride any more. I had thanked it, love it because it brought me to where I am now. But it is not mine, those thoughts, those feelings don't belong with this body any more. There is so much work to be done and I don't know if I have that much time so every second is precious.

The fact remains true I had not been able to continue my stories when I started smoking once again. Lighting up meant that I was willing to create that screen again and distant myself from the spiritual growth that happens when you decide to be sober. Sober from the delusion and negativity created in the mind. So don't get too serious, that is what I've learned from others so far. As soon as you get too serious Iam calling on the dualistic battle within myself.

So before the whole neighborhood turned against me or that the distance between my writings were no longer accessible I called a friend today. So the trick, start laughing I told myself. Think of all the funny things that have happened that make you laugh and if I can't find any, then I'll just have to make them up.

I know that I always laughed with my sister. She is my ascendant sign, my guide and looking back I realize that when I first got to this country I didn't speak English and she wanted a little sister so bad that she got one. Me. So her way of communicating with me was to make me laugh. I knew how to do that well back then. I was so serious and "deep"...that when I would burst and fall on to the floor of the bus, on our way to school, she would feel accomplished and connected with me. We would laugh about anything. Sticking our heads outside of the window and yelling and making funny faces to the people in line when going throught the central maket. By the time we got to the school we were exhausted but delighted.

So when I think of laughter, I think of my sister and even to this day we laugh like back then, rolling on the floor, holding our bellies and re-energizing ourselves.

So I am going to explore laughter with my little girl and see what the Spirit has in mind. I welcome any jokes. The day is clear, crisp with a west wind that is moving all sorts of things, so its time to dig in deep, to replant my roots and extend them even further.

I can do that when I lay out the secrets on the table, before you so they fade with smoke screen I create between you and I.

5 minutes

Leaves brown filtering through the beginning

That is my play at hand

With all the tools layed before me,

Emblem

Being the channel of light

Shining like a star,

como una estrella que se deleita con su titireteo,

Purple

That is what I imagine through my being instilled

To being a new beginning of knowing the unknown

Without my doings,

Here,

Long ago there was a time when all was play

And my beginning was the connection of all that came through

And I just need to share from this place of beginnings

Leaves brown fall instilled through the woods

Damp is the road,

Recycling is now overtaking what needs to be processed

Until we are this fertile soil in the compost

That is what you need to learn

The process of letting go

Stepping forward with full heart,

even if you are left alone

Even if there are a million people around you

Stepping forward with all imaginative force

I am typing…..with my little girl who next to me.

She is a pro, I just need to let go.

Here comes the Light

Here comes the violet blue opening
Here comes the yellow birthing
here comes your smile in orange and yellow
here comes joy opening my heart, your heart
my mother's heart, my child´s heart

and the aqua blue
green in all its shells
echoing the amber of your eyes
who travels with the lightning
pearl journey of each step you take

Here comes the cobalt blue
embraced by the purple sage
entering in each of your tear drops
Here comes the orange melon
swirling into the center of all worries
to blast into the fire of each sun

Here comes the yellow ready
to send off all of its marvelous
songs that are singing your name
every transparent cell clear pure
blends of all its colors,

Here comes the rainbow of all
my experiences,
black with crow essence standing
above in the morning skies,
morning blue crystal sitting gently
over your green
reflecting your greatness and spirit
which takes by the hand
as I walk over your rainbow bridge

here comes the violet blue
to cover the skin
and eyelids
breathing it
exhaling it
expanding violet over the sky

In Transition, In Love

Never give up my love
even when all seems
so blurry you can not see

Don´t be so distant
when the world is changing
tilted but constant
she is welcoming
and shaking the leaves
off my branches

Coming through with a vision
reaching the higher tones
even in the night
when all is quiet on the streets

so don´t you worry no more
move on forward with your
words,

swim along the river of joy!
and meet me here in the light
in the company of so many
mothers, daughters, sisters

loyal to the cause
loyal to the heart
who are chosing to remember!

Jewels

Notice the round circle (orb) on JP´s left sleeve, we were taking pictures inside the base of a redwood and in my of these pictures these orbs appeared. Some friends have told me that they are energetic beings.

There were several things that stuck in my mind as I left LA to visit my son here in San Francisco. A couple days before I came to visit my dear friend and as I was sharing with her my next endevour with my Jean-Philippe, she said: you are sharing together, not that he is allowing you to participate, you are both participating.

As I left her house, I felt that was a piece of jewel to remember. Many times I´ve walked in life feeling like anything given to me was like a favor, a privilege I was allowed to have, almost like not really believing that I was worthy of it. It just reminded me of that new path I´ve decided to take where my existence is worthy of being here, I came here with purpose at heart and once you uncover your purpose there is no going back, there is an urgency of time and this lifetime is only a speck of the beauty that is there to experiment.

So, yesterday we decided to go for a hike at Guerneville, north of San Francisco where the redwoods are but not just redwoods, among the Armstrong trails we encounter the oldest tree (1500 years) and the tallest tree, a different type of silence within. There is a different type of energy there, ancient like caves deep within the Earth. As we began our walk the trail was steep, mostly uphill and I had already decided after my cleansing meditation breath that trees were going to be our witness and guides for this day. We were hiking with open hearts and nurtured by all the branches above as they witnessed our closeness, our sharing, our laughs and time together. My purpose here is to open our communication, grow in depth with it and learn from each other. I´ve been a teacher to him as he has been a teacher to me.

Another dear friend from the Sedona workshop, who also has an daughter told me her secret as a mother, that in order to know more of them get to their activities, their music, their games so you understand more of their world, their views and have more to share. So I sat last night with him, we were at the computer learning the intricacies of Blizzard, World of Warcraft games. Basically for me the only time I can sit for longer periods of time, besides my job, on the computer is when I sit down to write. Now I was carefully listening to this amazing online game that he has been involved for years. It is played world wide and each person can create their own characters and travel to the different continents on special quests or mission as druid, elves, warriors, magicians...etc. among floating crystal cities and have the capability of transforming into different creatures or animals to travel as a lepard or horse or fly among the skies. So tonight we will develop my character, yes moms do play also, in fact he was telling me of a friend he has that the mom basically took over the game and played more than her son at times. The most interesting thing that came up was as he was telling me the different characters he had develop, his main character who had acquired like level 80 was a Healer!

With this as my closing paragraph today confirms that our children energetically live parallel lives, cyclical to our existence. As the years have gone by, I witness his experiences and writings (he is also a poet) and how much we as parents share those energetic lines, thoughts, emotions parallel to each other's lives. I´ll continue doing the cleansing meditation CD while I am here and share more jewels to come.