Starting Over

There is always a beginning when the truth is lay out on the table. All the thoughts of what you think that other person is doing or saying about you vanishes like a snowflake melting on the horizon, when you find out its really about you. So that is exactly what I did. It was time to move out of the paranoia and the deep serious talks I was having with myself and asking my friends: Is everything alright? When really it was me who was out of alignment. What does that really mean? I was not connected with Spirit, I was in my head instead of my heart. I was being driven, seduced by another wave of energy that I don't ride any more. I had thanked it, love it because it brought me to where I am now. But it is not mine, those thoughts, those feelings don't belong with this body any more. There is so much work to be done and I don't know if I have that much time so every second is precious.

The fact remains true I had not been able to continue my stories when I started smoking once again. Lighting up meant that I was willing to create that screen again and distant myself from the spiritual growth that happens when you decide to be sober. Sober from the delusion and negativity created in the mind. So don't get too serious, that is what I've learned from others so far. As soon as you get too serious Iam calling on the dualistic battle within myself.

So before the whole neighborhood turned against me or that the distance between my writings were no longer accessible I called a friend today. So the trick, start laughing I told myself. Think of all the funny things that have happened that make you laugh and if I can't find any, then I'll just have to make them up.

I know that I always laughed with my sister. She is my ascendant sign, my guide and looking back I realize that when I first got to this country I didn't speak English and she wanted a little sister so bad that she got one. Me. So her way of communicating with me was to make me laugh. I knew how to do that well back then. I was so serious and "deep"...that when I would burst and fall on to the floor of the bus, on our way to school, she would feel accomplished and connected with me. We would laugh about anything. Sticking our heads outside of the window and yelling and making funny faces to the people in line when going throught the central maket. By the time we got to the school we were exhausted but delighted.

So when I think of laughter, I think of my sister and even to this day we laugh like back then, rolling on the floor, holding our bellies and re-energizing ourselves.

So I am going to explore laughter with my little girl and see what the Spirit has in mind. I welcome any jokes. The day is clear, crisp with a west wind that is moving all sorts of things, so its time to dig in deep, to replant my roots and extend them even further.

I can do that when I lay out the secrets on the table, before you so they fade with smoke screen I create between you and I.