So I was walking out this morning on my way to work, I looked up and there they were: the altocumulus formation of clouds, in my words the clouds sheep world....conversation with the Earth. Of course this is the Earth laying out the beauty above my head so I can take a pause while I´m running to work and with my mouth wide open smile and I thought to myself today there is something extra, just slightly juicier for some reason, the clouds were telling me that, those sheep shape clouds were announcing a light rain indeed. About to clear up slight debris hanging around the suit. So I felt the lightness of the day as I drove, confident that the skies were announcing a huge opening in the days to come. At least that is what it feels like these days, people creating and participating and joining, breaking through like never before.
I remembered something about going through the motion, not reacting, not defending just breathing through the moment when I am most triggered and when I have that itching need to give advise, or to tell the other how "it should be" or what they should do, I am robbing the moment, I am just dipping in too soon to really see what its all about. For example, the fear of walking through sober, letting the emotions surface and do what they need to do. Not overeating the whole fridge because watch out here comes that feeling and not knowing what to do but to stuff it with food or a good old cigarette or the sex or overworking...so I tried it, at least that is what immersing in love has allow me to try. This going through the motions and breathing through even if its holding you by the throat and you think you can no longe hold the anger.
Today something cleared up about "being in love" is not just "walking in the rain" and "singing in the shower","dancing with the flow" which are manifestations of feeling good but "being in love" it seems to give you this sense of deep affection not only for yourself but the compassion you can feel for others. I experienced this with my sister on her birthday the other day, who has also now quit smoking and as a result is experiencing the emotions of anger she had been numbing with the smoking. So the birthday party was cut very short and I was about to engage in her anger, telling her how ungrateful and bla, bla...until I sat down, felt my feet on the Earth and told myself to breath through it, to go through the motions of "being connected with myself" which is part of my "love" assignment, stay connected, dont engage in what is not yours which then makes you available to support the situation rather than feed the energy of anger that is about to explode. So as best as my mom and I could do, we cut the cake, gave her the presents and allowed her the space to be. Sometimes just showing up and being there for each other is a whole deal in itself.
After the storm had gone by my sister and I were talking today just so full of gratitude, sober and full of compassion because we were talking about putting ourselves in the shoes of each other and my mother, just feeling for a moment what each one is going through and not reacting and hurting for the quick fix, just showing up for one another because if anything gets triggered within, its a gift of what we need to hone in ourselves, and all we have to do is share our love, give each other the love that is healing our whole family, being present without reacting. If we can look back at these moments we can truly say we gave each other the best, we showed up, we held our space and the light came through us, we listened even when we were ready to throw the dishes against the wall. This is exciting! We are uniting as a family like never before, there is still more but if the core if being filled with this love, this true love, not based on conditions or expectations but just stepping up to ask my sister: what do need in this moment? How can I best support you? I can feel now how the barriers and rages are melting away, we are meeting in conversation or just simply by listening to each other.
So what does this have to do with altocumulus...the sheep clouds? I am still trying to sort this one out, as the clouds are somehow an anticipation of what is about to occur, they accumulate in forms among the skies that depending on their density and magnitude, it will give rise to certain situations that will open up and express through us, specially after a thunderstorm.
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