Peeling back the opening....

Opening further the crack of relentless love, peeling back the soft transparent skin ready to fruit the full term baby inside, yes it is time like never before, in fact time has become the ticking pulse of every creation and movement surrounding me. I am allowing for that to happen. Green as the summer melon leaves that spread over the earth like a layer of new skin. New skin that I’ve waiting to blanket myself with. Opening the crack further is frightening at times, as if the light might possibly burn my eyes and in it I learn compassion as I feel my own fragility, which is the same fragility I see in your eyes. So the exchange might be that I close my eyes and let the heart guide completely, fully.

Last time I talked about responsibility that comes from opening heart and rather than an obstacle it has become the pillar of each action. Will I be strong enough to invite the light that brought me here? Will I bear to feel all those emotions that travel with the winds from afar, in their essence without shattering across my room into a million pieces? Will I bear the complete joy of freedom feeling grounded and strong like the great Sequoias?

I feel the love like never before and as a result I feel the brightness of all colors around me, the texture of every leaf, the dragonflies before me on their journey, the sounds of running water loud and clear, constant and determined, I feel the great waves thundering below my feet and its current pulling in each direction.

I am moving forward within every second shedding energies that no longer pertain to this body. I am inviting the breath, its softness and warmth to travel in every cell of my lineage, to finally let down the guards and move with each ebb and flow that my body knows beyond my own barriers. How will this transparency sustain your words and thoughts, your actions and differences as they come face to face with my new skin?

Opening Heart

Jogging by the beach with my friend the other morning, I mentioned to her that in order to appreciate and be grateful about things I have, I had to have an open heart, otherwise how could I be in touch with gratitude, from what place could I receive and give. That would explain the many times I've had gifts, new friends, family that truly love me and from my inside nothing is happening and I've gone through life like a visitor, roaming through airports, just hanging out waiting for the next flight, going to a new city, walking like a zombie through new streets, new blocks, houses and people and each time I get off the plane the same suit comes down, the same tricks descend...maybe some new ones but the same mold, perhaps a little older but the same walk maybe a new suitcase with some new suits but nothing can dress the closed heart.
So it gets harder and harder to feel anything at all until one day I am touched, visited by something greater and there it is…a crack, small enough to transmit all that light and all the possible irregularities that make it possible to persist, to dig deep into what I really am. All of a sudden those roots below my feet start travelling faster than I´ve ever imagined and they better be thick because now with an open heart comes in responsability. The responsability that I are becoming that bridge that extends to villages not just to the next airport but my bridge is widening by the second and others can cross and meet me on the other side, that is the beauty of an open heart, my shoulders are pulled back and the chest rises with every breath I take and my rib cage widens between each lightning of expansion. So now, its not that it becomes easier for take off but without resistance the flight is smoother and I am not just a visitor looking for a new city, I am that city, I am those beautiful streets, those ancient trees, those adventurous winds. I am that second ticking with presence.
Opening heart is a broad avenue travelling to all the villages in me that are ready to be born and exchange between that greater light that has been knocking at my door for quite some time now and the beggining of a song that we all seem to be singing.

Open Heart

Jogging by the beach with my friend the other morning, I mentioned to her that in order to appreciate and be grateful about things you had, you had to have an open heart, otherwise how could you be in touch with gratitude, from what place could you receive and give. That would explain the many times one has gifts, new friends, family that truly love you and from inside nothing is happening and you go through life like visitor through airports, just hanging out waiting for the next flight, going to a new city, new streets, blocks, houses and people but when you get off the plane the same suit comes down, the same tricks descend...maybe some new ones but the same mold, perhaps a little older but the same suitcase, some new suits but nothing can dress the closed heart.
So it gets harder and harder to feel anything at all until one day you are touched by something greater and there it is…a crack, small enough to transmit all that light, all the possible irregularities that make it possible to persist, to dig deep into what you really are. All of a sudden those roots below your feet start travelling faster than you´ve ever imagined and they better be thick because now with an open heart comes in responsability. The responsability that you are becoming that bridge that extends to villages not just to the next airport but your bridge is widening by the second and others can cross and meet you on the other side, that is the beauty of an open heart, your shoulders are pulled back and the chest rises with every breath you take and your rib cage widens between each lightning of expansion.
So now, its not that it becomes easier for take off but without resistance the flight is smoother and you are not just a visitor looking for a new city, you are that city, you are those streets, those trees, those winds. You just are that second ticking with presence.

Reacquainted with Tobacco

I am here in this path learning about relationships.

Relationship with self, relationship with family, friends, lover, Mother Earth, creatures, beings of nature, is a creative thread that allows my heart to open and learn to receive and give.

Learning how to relate to the other and communicate, share my feelings, messages of whatever is going on beyond my ego. One of the reasons my growth has remained in the adolescent stage is the fear to unbind, to take risks for fear of being rejected, not loved, made fun of, not being part of, seeking validation. So it has seemed safer to sneak through life and remain unseen, small and insignificant than to share with you what I feel, how I feel, what to feel when I don’t even allow the space for true feelings. The stage of victimhood and survivor were roles I took on early in childhood, these were in a way a learning experience to mark a difference between responsibility and a being who thrives.
They lingered in my life as a stage of survival and it certainly served its purpose for many years but now other tools are emerging loud and clear. Now rather than survival and protection they have become a hindrance and too heavy to bear.
For example, the healing relationship with the garden, showing up for this experience has certainly changed my view of life. The new relationship of the power plant tobacco is something I wanted to write about. I was given seeds by my teacher David Elliott in HT4 for sowing and learning about, to distinguish the difference between my misuse and the true interaction that exists between us. It’s not specifically the tobacco plant or seeds but my relationship with mother Earth. Learning about respect between us is the lesson I am experiencing. My first reaction as the seeds were being passed around was to repel, to abstain because of my abuse and misuse of it. Then as it got closer I felt there was a huge opportunity in learning from it. Take and learn from it because there are many stories unfolding from it, I heard. So I wrapped them in the white soft tissue and put it away carefully in the zippered pocket of my bag.
That is the beginning.
Sitting in meditation around the garden this morning I quietly search for a place to grow the seeds, I realized that in order to have a relationship with these new seeds, I like to know more about its past. The only thing I knew up to now is that I smoked it early on in elementary, it was cool, it shut off the noise. It also kept me away from everyone, including myself. So for the next 30 something years I continued to misuse it, throw it away in hopes of quitting and if there were moments of consciousness to stop, I did but only temporarily.

The seeds are very small and abundant. They feel tiny but powerful like each one a night on its own. Fertility and prosperity among them, that is what it feels like. I planted them over the compost ground then I saged the area and sat quietly with the full moon and slowly layed them over open ground to begin. I come early each day to see if any of them have surfaced yet.
For the Native American community, tobacco is viewed as a plant with sacred character, and it is a mainstay of native ceremonies. For some Native American tribes, tobacco smoke has been traditionally used to cure illness, to purify, and as a form of prayer. Some tribes cultivate tobacco crops as a reflection of great respect.

So I come to addiction and how this plays in our lives, in my life. It can be in the genes, it can be a pattern learned early on through family, I don’t know if its exactly one thing or the other but I can see that if the spirit is broken, ignored, empty or absent many different sets of addictions come in. It’s like becoming blind and substituting the vision for what seems to comfort the eye but with the lack of Spirit the tendency to fall into or draw in harmful ways to soothe the emptiness is temporary and it seems to create a greater hunger and never ending feeding.

The relationship needs to be honored, cherished and tended to carefully. Watching with awe as it grows among the furrows each day. They are being watered daily as the seeds germinate and break through among the fertile soil that we’ve become. There are no guarantees but the success is in not giving up because there is always a possibility. A new idea. One of the healers I’ve been working with told me recently: Are you willing to walk the tight rope and I say yes everyday now! To find the rhythm of time, to weave through the cycle of the day, to atune without the addiction is another great success and in that success I learn a new relationship.

These are the new seeds of tobacco and corn...slowly germinating towards the sky!

Zuchini Morning Glory

The Furrow of Prosperity

New Life Unbound

Spinach

Almost Ready Tomatoes...

Almost ready

Ripening.

This is how it feels to be all that you are.

Slowly turning color.

becoming.

There is a miracle,

as you grow.

If I ever felt unprotected and unsafe,
small and unworthy,
you moved through me today,
like a wave
of the deepest affection
always present with me,

every drop of blood
immersed in your spirit
fully circulating
from the tip of my fingers
to the outer edge of all that I am,

how grateful
how beautiful
it is.

I am filled with light
and pure love
bathing in the ecstacy
of your gentle movement

ondulated movement
brushing
embracing
moving
from my travelling feet
to the top crown
conected to the stars

this is you
this is me
this is we

this is the heart that sings now!

Sequoia Winds

So many great winds,

Like a sea moving through the forest
it sings and travels among the branches
of great pines,
sisters and brothers of mine
this commotion of novelty
travelling from all the corners of the world,

the longing of having you move through me
unravels the subtlety to persist,
to sit still
to bring back the knowledge of essence

the purpose of moving with tribes
just like the winds move through the forest
with elegance
with precision
with unity

it awakens each branch,
swaying your beauty
from one shade to the other
in harmony
gentle

where I don´t see you
but feel every touch
as I close my eyes.

Male Energy

This energy is said
to be on the right side
further from the heart,
yet closer to a full breath
filtering the emotions

my male energy is grounded,
standing strong with every step I take
unravelling the fire within
as it burns with great devotion

This energy is within
my greatest columns
rarely shakes with any storm,
walks accompanied by
the moon of my womb,

As I come closer to you,
I become one with my full breath
filtering through the world
with the strongest heart of love

who is linked to all knowledge.

Intimacy

Closeness

Fearless in opening heart
Fearless of being truly yourself with others
Sharing life from within...
...with the ability to tell your story.

Inside

Allowing to know the details of yourself,
To remain long enough so the heart
can show all sides of yourself

It is to come closer with your own story,
the events and life experiences
sharing with others
allowing others to know you.

Black Crow

Crow falling on the outskirt
Facing the sky
Your carbon black wings
Opened towards the sky

Black Crow
Black Crow
Dark as the sorrows
Meadows that meet your departure


Open wings to the sky,
Bury my sadness
Deep in the earth
Magnificient being
I am now willing to see…

Black Crow
Black Crow
Dark as the night sky
Full of stars
You take away all that is not

Blend this magic
Below my feet
Crossing over thresholds

Black crow
Black crow
Come and sing in my dreams
Tonight,

All is asleep
And I see once again
Enraptured by your wings
Embracing the sky

Close your eyes dear,
Transform into the star
Blue velvet crow!

The Black Crow's Garden

How is the gardening in the backyard a gift within the crow’s burial? Something that came across my mind while watering this morning... How was it voicing its teachings? I looked around and it was quite transformed. Between all the seedlings there are about seven tomato plants, all diverse in its forms, basil, yellow bell peppers, cantaloupe, radishes, squash and pea seedlings ready to sprout, all surrounded by colorful marigolds that my neighbor slowly lengthens along the borders.
Visiting the garden there is a strong pull to come near the crow’s burial site, there between the rose bushes is the heart of all the heartbeats. Now after the outburst of light at dawn, pink rose petals falling right below, a layer of softness begins to caress the site of this magical creature.
There are also four cosmos plants grown from seedlings that were planted on the edges coming of age. In all the thousands of languages in the world today, with all their complexities there is but one language, the language of the Earth and its seedlings. The essence of which, is the most mysterious and yet simplest of all. These conversations among each stem, flower, fruit, roots and pollinators are of making whole, mirroring with abandon the natural cycle of life.. Healing taking place, not so much in the words written but in the blooming of the garden and as I ask what is it?, how to become whole again? how to hear the clear heartbeat of this incredible Mother Earth that supports our daily breath, all the answers become clear. The language of the soil, the transparent and rich fragances, the colors of the growing plants in their opening to the sun. Its not so much how I affect their presence but how do I reacquaint myself to their vibrations, their songs, their infinite giving. That is what gathers well being, wholeness.
The language of the soil is birth, beauty, abundance, fragrances and essence. Could I ask for anything else? It feeds not only the heart and soul but nurtures every cell in the body.