At the top of Temescal canyon there is an opening towards the left where the flora is caved in full of trees and shrubs and the birds fly back and forth as if they were being pulled a swirl of energy, something there pulls you in to take a pause and express gratitude.
The canyons in California are full of richness and abundance and the scent of sage travels along you cleansing your worries or noise and carries you deep in its silence.
Every step you take as you hike is an opportunity to breathe in the subtleness through your feet, its almost like replenishing for the day. Every pore taking in the fluidity of this creative flow that is active all the time even when we sleep. It moves with the winds and rivers all along the planet and a shower is not just a shower, its a time when the life force meets with your skin, thoughts and emotions.
There is more freedom in writing now with the realization that I am just a conduit and I am here to explore and transmit my joy, my love for this planet. Last night I met with my mother and even though I still find resistance with it, remnants of the past, I met with her with such delight and playfullness acepting fully her love and conection with me. She greeted me with the enthusiasm of a lifetime together and we left for the movies hand in hand like two long lost friends who are now reunited forever. The love I felt as I sat next to her was filled and overflowing with gratitude. We had dinner together and as I drove her home we talked about her father and mother and their interactions. The travels and dreams of her as a young woman and I realized that she is an incredibly powerful woman who dared to take risks in life and move through life with her beauty as she does today. She is a survivor of breast cancer and that has recently gained in me a greater admiration in how she was determined not only to live but to heal herself. I am in love with my mother, and only love has opened me up to the different aspects of love. The love I feel for her, for my son, for women, men, friends, strangers, creatures, the Earth. We talk about love so much and there is such a quest in love, the bottom line of most inner conflicts are about love and how and why we aren´t loved, but when we fall in love it overflows everywhere. We love everything we do, we long to be that expression of love and have it become the ruling guide because there is nothing you can´t do without love. When it is present there is abundance and acceptance and gratitude and the pure desire of creating and living to the fullest in your life.
So I am in love with my mother and her gentleness, care, curiosity, joy, willingness, persistance. I see her in the light but only because I walk in the light today myself.
Los Angeles is a city of innovation and constant creative energy flow in it. Things are constantly changing and evolving, I feel that there is a current that moves much faster here and if you are not grounded it shakes you around like an unrooted tree and it gets much harder to make decisions when you are left trembling with every little wind that comes through.
Today I can feel a cold breeze, the season is changing and I welcome it with my wings fully extended.
Thank you for the gift of writing, thank you for another breath I take so I can take another hike through the Will Rogers Park.
I love Life!!!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sacred Moments
Walking into the Temescal Canyon this afternoon I surrendered to the silence that always awaits when you first enter. Crossing over into its arms its no wonder many come in different longings leaving the city behind and as I climbed further into it looking through the branches on the side of the path with the sensation that other creatures or spirits were indeed present. This hike is all uphill taking your breath away until you reach the overlook and the ocean and city sorrounds the canyon. I come often here because the body claims it...I love the city but this connection is necessary.
During the walk so many things came to me from the past, recent scenes and faces. The purging of its emotional attachments and in that mood there was also some sense of regret for years where the glimpse of this awareness taking place today could not surface at all. So I began to feel gratitude and the exchange today is much richer in that for each moment where certain realization where not possible at the time, today each second or moment is filled to the rim for each of those years so after all there is a much greater exchange and it certainly balances itself.
As I left the canyon it was dark and I could barely see the road. There was a certain fear felt within, being alone with nothing but shadows coming through. The cold was entering into the night and a few souls were still entering for a walk. I thought how brave to go into this canyon in the dark where the faces were no longer relevant only silhouttes passing by.
During the walk so many things came to me from the past, recent scenes and faces. The purging of its emotional attachments and in that mood there was also some sense of regret for years where the glimpse of this awareness taking place today could not surface at all. So I began to feel gratitude and the exchange today is much richer in that for each moment where certain realization where not possible at the time, today each second or moment is filled to the rim for each of those years so after all there is a much greater exchange and it certainly balances itself.
As I left the canyon it was dark and I could barely see the road. There was a certain fear felt within, being alone with nothing but shadows coming through. The cold was entering into the night and a few souls were still entering for a walk. I thought how brave to go into this canyon in the dark where the faces were no longer relevant only silhouttes passing by.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Letting the moment pass
There are some mornings that are just a little off, almost like its time to change my skin and the skin becomes a little tight and something wants to greet you right in front but it's so out of the unusual that it feels uncomfortable (perhaps I will find a better word to fit the mood...)
So I keep reminding myself that everything is just the way its suppose to be. The Nicotiana seeds were just seeds a while ago and now look at her (I posted a picture on the right) she is developing with a full body and leaves that are expanding each day more and more. I feel so much respect and I can give her that now that I have respect for myself.
So the thought today was about letting go completely even though the habit is to find a way to sabotage the moment or compare myself with the other so somehow I seem to be left on the short end with "not enough" or "poor me" and the balance is knowing and recognizing that "this too shall pass" so those thoughts that cling on to my essence begin to dissipate and melt away with the being in love that I've chosen to become or better said something greater than me has chosen to enter and fill my heart with pure light and allowing my roots to extend. Only love extends my roots, the other mood only shrinks and shrivel my roots. When I am in love there is boundless giving, boundless light to shine, greater smiles to share.
So its pretty clear as to which one to choose, do I want to be a shrinking and shriveled little old lady or an ancient deeply rooted tree....hmmm
more to come through these branches, soon some juicy yummy fruits........................
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Loving Life
Sunlight woke me up today like a soft caress over my sleep saying its time, its time to rise and feel the light. I walked over to the kitchen and the door opens to the west, north west to be more specific and in that opening I sensed a new beggining. The beggining of living in a new vibration. The vibration of pure love. Everything grows with love and being love resonates in a tune that everyone can recognize. Children love that tune and dance with it and shine with...I´ve been visualizing more and more that little girl within me that stopped dancing early on and now she is near, she is so close to me that it allows me to see again the beauty of playfulness and constant flow of energy. It is filled with sparkles as they look at you and run around following the colors that float around them like if they were hunting for easter eggs. I saw how they stop for details and how they feel for things, how they watch the sand run through their fingers. A constant state of awe for everything around them.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Vibration
10:08pm
Coming home after HT2. Dancing with Joy and finding more and more the purpose of my life. As I lay there in total peace after finishing the breath work I felt through every cell of my body the purpose and intent of sending this vibration though the room, the neighborhood, the city, the world. If there is a web around and within that connects us then this is what I came here to be. In this state of total peace and inner joy and pure love in my body reminding me of what it was like at the beggining.
This feeling came over me with absolute certainty that I can carry this out and now that I am revisited by this higher vibration which travels through my body, I can move forward and with confidence begin to set my intention of work, creativity, sharing with all this beautiful feeling of existing and confidence that in my exchange I am creating a space for new experiences. Experiences that vibrate at a different level within this community. I can feel the healing in my body and reaching my heart as I expand in to the bigger picture of all this.
The breath work is absolutely an avenue of all the possibilities that are taking place as I write this and I move forward knowing that I am part of all this experience, no less no more than you, only here to share the amazing journey we are experiencing the more we open to a full heart.
The play of hide and seek and finding so may protection now are taking a rest to open up to something bigger in which a community is involved and where the strenght lies in.
10:22pm
Coming home after HT2. Dancing with Joy and finding more and more the purpose of my life. As I lay there in total peace after finishing the breath work I felt through every cell of my body the purpose and intent of sending this vibration though the room, the neighborhood, the city, the world. If there is a web around and within that connects us then this is what I came here to be. In this state of total peace and inner joy and pure love in my body reminding me of what it was like at the beggining.
This feeling came over me with absolute certainty that I can carry this out and now that I am revisited by this higher vibration which travels through my body, I can move forward and with confidence begin to set my intention of work, creativity, sharing with all this beautiful feeling of existing and confidence that in my exchange I am creating a space for new experiences. Experiences that vibrate at a different level within this community. I can feel the healing in my body and reaching my heart as I expand in to the bigger picture of all this.
The breath work is absolutely an avenue of all the possibilities that are taking place as I write this and I move forward knowing that I am part of all this experience, no less no more than you, only here to share the amazing journey we are experiencing the more we open to a full heart.
The play of hide and seek and finding so may protection now are taking a rest to open up to something bigger in which a community is involved and where the strenght lies in.
10:22pm
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Trust
8:35am
Last night my intent was "Trust and continue Opening Heart". I realize that opening heart is just the beginning and then every old remnant will sneak in to see how much I trust.
Some of the doubts arising simulate my voice or dress themselves in the old suit of "they don't really like you", "you are not good enough, cool enough, strong enough"
Its tiring, boring and this is the moment I extend my roots even further, grounding real good and remember,
its all about remembering, reconnecting and trusting.
Trust is such a big one, trust with great devotion that in this state of relaxation there is nothing to worry, there is nothing to cling to.
The dream is being part of the community and "Imagine" (John Lennon) that this community is coming together, its there already I just keep visualizing that those links are coming together of people at harmony, within joy, with pure love.
I am a dreamer.
I can dream.
I am dreaming the beautiful, the feminine, the Trust, the space to create.
Healing.
This is the great possibility. If I move from insecurity to pure dreaming in every area of life. Dreaming the universe within me, dreaming the house I live in, the community I am part of, the neighborhood I visit each day, the state, the country, the planet, the galaxies...
It is all weaved together at some level and I am vibrating within its harmony to love all of it away, melt it away with love. That is how great our hearts are.
And each time I go back to trust. Trusting that this moment is exactly the perfect moment. Trusting that this book is coming together. Trusting that my heart is leading and what a leader, it knows beyond the limits of my grasping, it knows beyond the limits of fear, resentment.
That is all for today. Trust opens the doors as long as my roots are deep and thick, each day connected to the core of this Earth and allowing my heart to open up.
Gratitude signing off.
8:57am
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Having a Voice
8:18am
Making an opening for my throat chackra is a new avenue that is coming through strong and determined. Something in me is trusting and welcoming this new sensation, this new presence. The main ingredient is to maintain the heart´s opening and taking care of the body, acknowledging that it has taken me a long way. If I look back how far my skin has stretcht not only in expanding for a child to grow within me but really stretching out to the limit, not getting enough rest, exposing my body to harmful situations, environments, etc.
What is the point this morning? The mood has shifted and I am sitting with my commitment of 15 minutes...what to write or really, can I sit here for those minutes just being open and being in relationship without having to run somewhere, clean something, take the trash out, making a call, surfing the net...no just sitting here making contact with my feet and the EArth,
...back to the throat chackra, this opening allows me to speak up, voice my emotions, sing my heart out, sing the lullaby, create a relationship, communicate, recite a poem, tell my mother I love her, tell my son I love him, spread the love. Manifest. Have a conversation with the Earth. Speak to another woman about respecting eachother. Taking a stand.
Being vulnerable. Everyday is full to the rim and sometimes like yesterday, it becomes overwhelming.
8:34am
Making an opening for my throat chackra is a new avenue that is coming through strong and determined. Something in me is trusting and welcoming this new sensation, this new presence. The main ingredient is to maintain the heart´s opening and taking care of the body, acknowledging that it has taken me a long way. If I look back how far my skin has stretcht not only in expanding for a child to grow within me but really stretching out to the limit, not getting enough rest, exposing my body to harmful situations, environments, etc.
What is the point this morning? The mood has shifted and I am sitting with my commitment of 15 minutes...what to write or really, can I sit here for those minutes just being open and being in relationship without having to run somewhere, clean something, take the trash out, making a call, surfing the net...no just sitting here making contact with my feet and the EArth,
...back to the throat chackra, this opening allows me to speak up, voice my emotions, sing my heart out, sing the lullaby, create a relationship, communicate, recite a poem, tell my mother I love her, tell my son I love him, spread the love. Manifest. Have a conversation with the Earth. Speak to another woman about respecting eachother. Taking a stand.
Being vulnerable. Everyday is full to the rim and sometimes like yesterday, it becomes overwhelming.
8:34am
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Commitment
9:43 am
Commitment is a word that sends heat through my left ankle, its a soothing heat like mother´s milk, warm and sweet. My left side puts me in contact with my mother, with my female energy and knowledge that has been shared with me in recent years. There is no doubt now that what has profoundly healed my life has been the communion and circles of women in my life. Men have also healed the process but without that trust in women, I would of not come closer to my mother.
Recently I spent an entire Sunday not only with my mother but my sister and her daughter; it was not only a Sunday but a moment in history of healing our lineage. I felt that my grandmother, even though she has been dead for over thirty years, she was present with us during this Sunday.
So committing to writing this morning puts aside all judgment of what my writing is about, it feels like the flow is just coming in and I just swim in it to connect more and more with the stories waiting to be told. This is a reencoutner with my energy, trust and honoring the gift of writing. Who knows I may even end up singing from what I´ve experienced lately our openings in this creativity is not only through writing but beautiful artwork, music and vibrating the sound through a melody that we can all hear.
10:00am
Commitment is a word that sends heat through my left ankle, its a soothing heat like mother´s milk, warm and sweet. My left side puts me in contact with my mother, with my female energy and knowledge that has been shared with me in recent years. There is no doubt now that what has profoundly healed my life has been the communion and circles of women in my life. Men have also healed the process but without that trust in women, I would of not come closer to my mother.
Recently I spent an entire Sunday not only with my mother but my sister and her daughter; it was not only a Sunday but a moment in history of healing our lineage. I felt that my grandmother, even though she has been dead for over thirty years, she was present with us during this Sunday.
So committing to writing this morning puts aside all judgment of what my writing is about, it feels like the flow is just coming in and I just swim in it to connect more and more with the stories waiting to be told. This is a reencoutner with my energy, trust and honoring the gift of writing. Who knows I may even end up singing from what I´ve experienced lately our openings in this creativity is not only through writing but beautiful artwork, music and vibrating the sound through a melody that we can all hear.
10:00am
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
15 minutes of sitting with the moment....
Are you ready they said, are you ready for success? Are you ready to be part of success and a prosperous community. YES. Are you ready to walk the tight rope? YES. Are you ready to be the screaming breath you took as you were being born? YES! Are you ready? YES.
So I move into action and pick up the words to write and write and these minutes are the minutes to share not only with you but a commitment to sit with myself and allow the miracle. Fifteen minutes of pure creativity to allow the miracle and claim my worth and know that in this commitment I am sharing the gift. Fifteen minutes of letting go and creating the space to tell a story and what comes through is the excitement of being alive.
The tobacco plant is doing great, expansive in its leaves and rising towards the sky, its stem is strong and determined to be all that it is. I have a feeling of what this exchange might be like when we start transmitting to one another but my head gets in the way as to how it might talk to me but it is just a a sensation, it is just a vibration. I would like to know this language. Our ancestors knew directly, they once practiced as a way of being. There was no separation, we walked with the sky and the moon and the winds.
I will post pictures soon of these new plants so you can see them and experience their growth since I planted the seeds.
Each morning when I wake up I walk towards these area and acknowledge their beauty, sometimes I sing to them. Its an act of how I walk in life and with others. Do I acknowledge their beauty, my beauty, the beauty that surrounds us?
Fifteen minutes of sitting with my writing to begin telling stories, this is my intent, to voice the stories that are coming through, to voice the healing that is taking place through this body. This is what I see this morning, standing still long enough for the miracle to happen, trust the voice that is coming through.
Remember the sensation of swimming in the water, swimming in the womb of mother Earth.
So I move into action and pick up the words to write and write and these minutes are the minutes to share not only with you but a commitment to sit with myself and allow the miracle. Fifteen minutes of pure creativity to allow the miracle and claim my worth and know that in this commitment I am sharing the gift. Fifteen minutes of letting go and creating the space to tell a story and what comes through is the excitement of being alive.
The tobacco plant is doing great, expansive in its leaves and rising towards the sky, its stem is strong and determined to be all that it is. I have a feeling of what this exchange might be like when we start transmitting to one another but my head gets in the way as to how it might talk to me but it is just a a sensation, it is just a vibration. I would like to know this language. Our ancestors knew directly, they once practiced as a way of being. There was no separation, we walked with the sky and the moon and the winds.
I will post pictures soon of these new plants so you can see them and experience their growth since I planted the seeds.
Each morning when I wake up I walk towards these area and acknowledge their beauty, sometimes I sing to them. Its an act of how I walk in life and with others. Do I acknowledge their beauty, my beauty, the beauty that surrounds us?
Fifteen minutes of sitting with my writing to begin telling stories, this is my intent, to voice the stories that are coming through, to voice the healing that is taking place through this body. This is what I see this morning, standing still long enough for the miracle to happen, trust the voice that is coming through.
Remember the sensation of swimming in the water, swimming in the womb of mother Earth.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Power of Love
As I showered this morning there were threads of writings that came over me with the sole purpose of writing about an open heart and the power of love. The manifestations that it has in my life today. Sunday was such a rich day and it couldn't be complete without my family. The connection that we have as women, sisters, mom, daughter, friends are boundless and so powerful.
One of my great blockages was carrying and being imprisoned by my own mind over the event and experience of being raped at an early age. The man that held a knife to my face and threatened me with it silenced my voice for a long time. So i carried his energy and walked around life sneaking and hiding because if anyone found out who i was they would certainly exclude and throw me out. The result of this was that I excluded myself from life and wherever I went without really understanding how this happened and how i kept repeating this rape over and over in all areas of my life.
I realized this morning that only the love seeking me has finally entered my life for good. I could of never done it alone and for this my gratitude grows each day just like every plant in my garden. AS long as I rise and sing the beauty as I water it, the soil is rich and abundant. I no longer carry my uncle's energy with me and that event teaches today to honor the most sacred gift within me, my energy, my essence, my body. An essence of pure love.
Somewhere yesterday the thought of going to church with my mother emerged and I told my sister: "Hey! lets all go to church with mom who persistenly attends every Sunday morning and brings my little niece with her to be sorrounded by the power of community and joy as they all opened service with songs and teachings and prayer. I stood there present allowing this joy and unity to permeate within me and all of a sudden the judgments were gone and it didn't matter if I was christian or buddhist or whatever I was participating in the most profound gathering on Sunday morning with my family. It is my mother's dream to see us this way so as I gift and honor to her I can show up not only for myself but for her and this woman who besides being my mother represents all the mothers in my lineage.
So with this open heart I move through life like the river flows and nurtures all, as fluid and gentle an open heart can be. The more I grow my roots into this Earth, the more i give effortlessly and as a woman envision and dream a world full of harmony and joy, creating each day and sharing the beauty that we all are. If the heart is open there are no cravings, no need to manipulate and seek through an empty well. There is no need to cling to you for love, it is flowing all around through the winds and rivers and art and dance and cooking and laughter and planting and singing, it is infinite, boundless, prospering.
One of my great blockages was carrying and being imprisoned by my own mind over the event and experience of being raped at an early age. The man that held a knife to my face and threatened me with it silenced my voice for a long time. So i carried his energy and walked around life sneaking and hiding because if anyone found out who i was they would certainly exclude and throw me out. The result of this was that I excluded myself from life and wherever I went without really understanding how this happened and how i kept repeating this rape over and over in all areas of my life.
I realized this morning that only the love seeking me has finally entered my life for good. I could of never done it alone and for this my gratitude grows each day just like every plant in my garden. AS long as I rise and sing the beauty as I water it, the soil is rich and abundant. I no longer carry my uncle's energy with me and that event teaches today to honor the most sacred gift within me, my energy, my essence, my body. An essence of pure love.
Somewhere yesterday the thought of going to church with my mother emerged and I told my sister: "Hey! lets all go to church with mom who persistenly attends every Sunday morning and brings my little niece with her to be sorrounded by the power of community and joy as they all opened service with songs and teachings and prayer. I stood there present allowing this joy and unity to permeate within me and all of a sudden the judgments were gone and it didn't matter if I was christian or buddhist or whatever I was participating in the most profound gathering on Sunday morning with my family. It is my mother's dream to see us this way so as I gift and honor to her I can show up not only for myself but for her and this woman who besides being my mother represents all the mothers in my lineage.
So with this open heart I move through life like the river flows and nurtures all, as fluid and gentle an open heart can be. The more I grow my roots into this Earth, the more i give effortlessly and as a woman envision and dream a world full of harmony and joy, creating each day and sharing the beauty that we all are. If the heart is open there are no cravings, no need to manipulate and seek through an empty well. There is no need to cling to you for love, it is flowing all around through the winds and rivers and art and dance and cooking and laughter and planting and singing, it is infinite, boundless, prospering.
From the river in Sedona
Female Energy
Is like the river,
Easy flowing,
Gentle
Blending with the intuitive forces
And running with momentum
Around and thru the boulders
And curves
She becomes the little creek, the wise pond and mystical lake
She travels deep within her ocean
To ponder in her mystery
In her fluidity
Within each woman
And in the journey she becomes both the energy of time
And the absence of it,
Always nurturing…
Soothing she is
Relieving all thirst
Refreshing the mind,
Embracing all hearts
Female accompanies the male energy
Sharing her heart
It is an energy that transforms yet it easily
Moves,
Unto others
I am within, moving,
Transforming
Deeply
Into energy
Female encompasses the womb
From generation to generation
From love to love and I am swimming in it
Until the cold subsides and the body warms in
To the energy of the water
And I can swim within
Every rock and every pebble that has stood in
The way
it no longer holds me back
Because I am flowing through with great persistence.
Is like the river,
Easy flowing,
Gentle
Blending with the intuitive forces
And running with momentum
Around and thru the boulders
And curves
She becomes the little creek, the wise pond and mystical lake
She travels deep within her ocean
To ponder in her mystery
In her fluidity
Within each woman
And in the journey she becomes both the energy of time
And the absence of it,
Always nurturing…
Soothing she is
Relieving all thirst
Refreshing the mind,
Embracing all hearts
Female accompanies the male energy
Sharing her heart
It is an energy that transforms yet it easily
Moves,
Unto others
I am within, moving,
Transforming
Deeply
Into energy
Female encompasses the womb
From generation to generation
From love to love and I am swimming in it
Until the cold subsides and the body warms in
To the energy of the water
And I can swim within
Every rock and every pebble that has stood in
The way
it no longer holds me back
Because I am flowing through with great persistence.
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