Monday, November 30, 2009

Moving Forward

Movement in the wind that soars
it is awakening even the long lost sleep
in the leaves of all ancient trees
as the life force wanders from
coast to coast smoothly unto each call.

In each breath you take
it will move through you
like the ondulated waves of each snake
ready to be awaken,
so to dance in your chosen pleasure
with eyes closed in delight
of an awaken serpent,

in this light
the flame will roar
for all blue skies to ignite
in its passion


come taste the juniper zap
wrap your arms around
the long awaited warmth
that you sought in the roaming
hallways,
which had only made the craving
incessant and unreachable,

no there you are,
embracing the richest essence
and crisp sunlight morning
that will remain reminding you
second after second,
the life force is within
fully present as you breath into it.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

GRACIAS!

I was looking for the meaning until my inner voice said write it from your heart, your own encyclopedia. An attitude, a friend that serves me well, that blends with the being feeling complete. Acknowledging completeness. Just a friend would do that. Remind you, take you on a journey of your imprints of gratitude. A positive state of accomplishment because when you walk with your friend of gratitude, it enriches your life and its an even exchange. I am the voice of gratitude and the experiences only emphasize the positive, the abundance that I am connected when I experience my buddy gratitude. It is always there, no gender involved, in fact it has no physical form because its more of a sensation that I connect to and in that connection I realize its abundance. That is a place of power. An attitude of power. When I take a walk with it I shine, how else to walk knowing that there is thankfulness for everything I got even those heavy dark moments that pulled my hair in hot temper to be the rebel and let go of my memory of gratitude.
Indeed I am alive because of graceful gratitude that showed me the way of non-complaint who depletes me at no end. So its all about energy and gratitude is full of it. It makes me smile, it sends those vibrations of peace and calmness in my heart that I am walking the talk. So when I am full of energy I can write and tell you about and tell its worth the travel, its worth the journey and much more. Being in gratitude fills my tank in triple, quadruple....forms and when I am so full and expansive there is so much longing to share it in whatever form. Being patient and allowing for the flow, the creative flow that creates fabulous meals, decorates my house with artful gestures of love, pray in delight that my family is well and strong and open hearted, writes with the pleasure of a Spirit that guides, moves in the form that Tensegrity has taught me, appreciate the gifts throughout my life, I said I didn´t want to leave this planet without knowing the depth of pure love and here it is each day going deeper and deeper NO MATTER WHAT!

So lets see where else these conversation with Earth travel. You are the Earth, each song, painting, friendship, circles and movement, form and formless, houses, teachings, children, creatures, plants...get the picture?

All of it is there so generously abundant.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

FEET

My feet woke me up,
this morning...
they were moving on their own
under the covers
and through the thin veil
of each eyelid,
the sunlight,
perhaps purple
from the rise of all dreams
touched my body awake

just enough to make
my feet dance,
after all they are the ones
who dip into the water
and find the journey of where ever
I travel,
they have the vision at the
heart of each encounter,

so I let them move
as I shift from head to toe
and let them stand
above me,

from the pinky to the big toe,
spreading the webs of my
ancestors,
rising the sole with elegance
so they don´t collapse

I´ve watch each encounter
on the street,
as they meet with other feet
who either shine away
or lightly touch our vibration
as we step close to each other

so my feet rise with me
and take me everywhere
how lucky I am.
how grateful I am to have two
feet!
two grounding feet:)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Just Write...

The words resonated like the glow of an afternoon sun extending through out the sky...and if I don´t know or have all the right words to express what I feel, experience and message I am transmitting. It doesn´t matter just write, it will come about, remember its not about YOU. That last phrase alleviates any pressure related to doing something or having to accomplish anything but the art of breathing.
So what is your purpose? and it was very clear in the background as many times speaks loud and clear when laying or sitting in that silence or stillness: just be yourself! Nothing to change, nothing to reach, just be your essence. Wow, and I´ve been under the impression that I had to do SO MUCH in order to be part of the whole equation and there in the stillness of the long hike comes the voice and says just be still, just be in your silence. Nothing to drink, nothing to inhale or travel to the other side of the planet, just be still.
When I am still I can find trust and there are deep longings that emerge from the stillness, from the subtle place of dance without jumping all over the place, from the respect I feel as I enter the canyon I am privileged to hike in, that stillness permeates my whole body with trust and if I look back at my history I would have a good reason not to trust but on the contrary today I feel complete trust in that stillness because I am still here for a reason and the deeper I dive in to trust and love there are no more yard sticks to measure up to.
I am reading a book called Eat, Pray and Love, I am highlighting and tagging most of what I feel its calling me to pay attention. What I appreciate greatly in her writing is her sense of humour, that is priceless.
My message for today take things lightly, move with ease and breathe alot. One of my dear teachers once told me: Jackie just make sure you breathe and if you are breathing every thing is OK.
That simple. That is what I´ll do today. BREATHE, love and eat.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Creating, creativity

To create. Word meaning: Bring into being. to cause to come into being, as something unique that would not naturally evolve or that is not made by ordinary processes.
2. to evolve from one's own thought or imagination, as a work of art or an invention.

I am not sure exactly what I am bringing into being so I suppose that now as I have made clearings in my life, spiritually,emotionally and physically, I can set some discipline for creating, it works best for me. Discipline, at least some sort of it.
I write at any moment, record moments that comes through me because they are so spontaneus that it feels like something is being pointed out to me and my job is to share it with the world. I have a deeper understanding of what it means to be empty, at least this is the beginning and I am excited about life. I am excited about creating, speaking my own voice. Is it my voice or am I an instrument through which the formless, sightless forces speak through. What is the difference between that which is your voice, your vibration in that case because language is something we´ve created to connect with each other to expand on the endless motions of what we are experiencing day to day.
What would you like?
I would like to continue creating, writing, helping others to create. Walking in life with purpose.

HOw do I create?

Self worth. We will start creating from this foundation. To care for oneself. To love oneself. I am worthy when I step into the light. What this means is that I have gathered enougth strength, energy, harmony, connection to be able to choose walking in things that enlighten, inspire, bring me joy and happiness. I had chosen for a long time to walk in suffering and situations that only brought me back to that of feeling of being sorry for myself and not participating in life because dealing with "others" was unbearable.
So walking with the freedom of taking risks is enlightening, even if it means I won´t get what I "think" I am suppose to have. There is so much more abundance to experience being in confidence, writing from a place of boundless creativity mostly because I feel worthy of it.

After that everything comes in pretty easy, listening, observing. The other day a patient came in to have his usual treatment of acupuncture to deepen his healing. It is a custom of his to leave his trash on the counter even though we have several trash cans around the office, which by the way he is very familiar because he has been coming for years. So he passively throws the old appointment card on the desk with an air of "I know exactly what I am doing and I don´t care" in fact he finds it amusing. So the I look at it, he looks at it and then I think to myself, am I going to remind him one more time that we have several trash cans in the office, one directly in front of his feet, no. Just as my fury was rising to my throat, he non chalantly says: Ji Ji Ja Ja I am going to keep doing it until it doesn´t affect you anymore....So I breathed into my fury and pushed the energy down until it subsided and remembered I was a witness to this incident and non chalantly ask him: maybe you need some more water before you get in to your car? but by then he has scurried out the door dragging one foot before the other and left.
This was an interesting scene to witness, someone who in the process of his healing had become a "teacher" or at least in that specific moment found himself cocky enough to teach a "lesson". My lesson in this was the awareness of feeling how my energy was moving beyond my control and that I didn´t have to give in to my reaction. I don´t have to give to the seduction of high rush, immediate comfort, illusion of comfort by succumbing to my emotions.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Altocumulus, breath and compassion.

So I was walking out this morning on my way to work, I looked up and there they were: the altocumulus formation of clouds, in my words the clouds sheep world....conversation with the Earth. Of course this is the Earth laying out the beauty above my head so I can take a pause while I´m running to work and with my mouth wide open smile and I thought to myself today there is something extra, just slightly juicier for some reason, the clouds were telling me that, those sheep shape clouds were announcing a light rain indeed. About to clear up slight debris hanging around the suit. So I felt the lightness of the day as I drove, confident that the skies were announcing a huge opening in the days to come. At least that is what it feels like these days, people creating and participating and joining, breaking through like never before.
I remembered something about going through the motion, not reacting, not defending just breathing through the moment when I am most triggered and when I have that itching need to give advise, or to tell the other how "it should be" or what they should do, I am robbing the moment, I am just dipping in too soon to really see what its all about. For example, the fear of walking through sober, letting the emotions surface and do what they need to do. Not overeating the whole fridge because watch out here comes that feeling and not knowing what to do but to stuff it with food or a good old cigarette or the sex or overworking...so I tried it, at least that is what immersing in love has allow me to try. This going through the motions and breathing through even if its holding you by the throat and you think you can no longe hold the anger.
Today something cleared up about "being in love" is not just "walking in the rain" and "singing in the shower","dancing with the flow" which are manifestations of feeling good but "being in love" it seems to give you this sense of deep affection not only for yourself but the compassion you can feel for others. I experienced this with my sister on her birthday the other day, who has also now quit smoking and as a result is experiencing the emotions of anger she had been numbing with the smoking. So the birthday party was cut very short and I was about to engage in her anger, telling her how ungrateful and bla, bla...until I sat down, felt my feet on the Earth and told myself to breath through it, to go through the motions of "being connected with myself" which is part of my "love" assignment, stay connected, dont engage in what is not yours which then makes you available to support the situation rather than feed the energy of anger that is about to explode. So as best as my mom and I could do, we cut the cake, gave her the presents and allowed her the space to be. Sometimes just showing up and being there for each other is a whole deal in itself.
After the storm had gone by my sister and I were talking today just so full of gratitude, sober and full of compassion because we were talking about putting ourselves in the shoes of each other and my mother, just feeling for a moment what each one is going through and not reacting and hurting for the quick fix, just showing up for one another because if anything gets triggered within, its a gift of what we need to hone in ourselves, and all we have to do is share our love, give each other the love that is healing our whole family, being present without reacting. If we can look back at these moments we can truly say we gave each other the best, we showed up, we held our space and the light came through us, we listened even when we were ready to throw the dishes against the wall. This is exciting! We are uniting as a family like never before, there is still more but if the core if being filled with this love, this true love, not based on conditions or expectations but just stepping up to ask my sister: what do need in this moment? How can I best support you? I can feel now how the barriers and rages are melting away, we are meeting in conversation or just simply by listening to each other.
So what does this have to do with altocumulus...the sheep clouds? I am still trying to sort this one out, as the clouds are somehow an anticipation of what is about to occur, they accumulate in forms among the skies that depending on their density and magnitude, it will give rise to certain situations that will open up and express through us, specially after a thunderstorm.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

When I am love I....

...BREATHE,write, share, jump, dance and choose to pause and look at the funny clouds, walk and swim, I reach out for my sister, so when I am in love I share, laugh, send emails, make connections
laugh, sing, I let passion lead, create, give, smile,fart without guilt,
when I am in love i wish for others, walk on the beach, hike with the mountains, talk with the plkants,
there is no beggining or end, I just let things, people be what they are, invite, create, prepare, BREATHE, sing, , driving singing in the car, yell in the car and then laugh, when I am in love I create because my heart leads and its so ready now!! When I am in love I create every moment with all I got, I give it all I got, I claim it without greed but confidence, I teach and I am also the student, when I am in love I take the gift of life, of my ancestors, I play, I persist, I want to SEE...when I am in love I can be still because I am have everything, I cook, I send the vibration from my heart, I say Namaste, I meet with the sun, I walk with the moon, I am in rhythm with the cycles and BREATHE, prepare, receive , create, unfold, bloom, and shine,
share...............................................................................LAUGH, sing even though I don't remember the lyrics, fly, reach out, create, create and you?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Water and Love

The Power of love through the rivers of water

I hold you forever in my heart
close to my heart
and close to my dreams,
as I fill the vase of water
and sleep real close
real close
so that when morning comes
I reach to you
and drink the power of love
and fill my blood
with the power of love
and feel it running within my body
my heart
the power of love,

I bathe with you
feeling the power of love on my skin
close my eyes
to sing from my heart
without the vowels and syntax
but here I give you this current
flowing within to you
the messenger of love
as you leave my house,
as you leave flowing to the ocean
on your river mission
to fill the lakes of nations
carrying my message of love
with all the messages
from my friends and family
that we are bathing in love
raining in love
transparent and fluid,
like the first ocean in my mother's
womb that filled the first darkness,
inmersed our ecstasy of creation,

and creating we flow each day,
each moment, each second
in this wonderful vibration of love.

Thank you water
thank you oceans, rivers, creeks, lakes that hold our breath of life.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Heart

Another nugget of gold to add in the center of heart. Self-love. This whole weekend I participated with other friends at the David Elliot Harvest retreat. It was the most loving, tough loving and by that I mean there was no one there that was going to hold your hand reviewing what your heart already knows. There were interactions of pure desire to open the door to the heart and be what it takes to be in the light of love.
So my self-love resurfaces from the fact that I don't leave it up to others to decide on my life or take from others because I feel empty or because there is no acknowledgement in what I am doing to participate in life through my experiences. If I am present and aware of my breath, that I am alive and that in itself is a miracle then there are no missing pieces. If I can acknowledge my body, mind and spirit than I see the beauty and boundless possibilites to carry out the purpose of my life which by the way is love. My assignment for this week is be in constant love with every breath I take.
I woke up with the feeling of love over me before I even opened my eyes. I came in to work with a sense of love and respect for what I do and who I work with.
The exchange is pure love, that is what I learned this weekend. Every act of interaction with my car, with the garden, with the breath I take, with the patients that come in to the clinic, with the people that I live iwth will be an exchange of love. So this is what I understood, what I learned at the retreat...If the base, foundation of my existence is not deeply rooted in LOVE then what type of exchange will I have with those that I meet in my path, with that boundless food I am fortunate to taste each day, with the creatures that come and greet me among the hikes I share with them. If my foundation is not love but expectations, emptyness, worry, fear, control, manipulation, on and on what type of exchange could there be among my experiences.
Wow, what a gift to learn from the foundation of LOVE and the essence of my existence, after all when my dad met my mother how did I come about if not from an act of love. So, I share with the new found in LOVE person that I choose to be, choose to walk as and choose to vibrate in this world. A few experiences with speaking directly from the heart...I got a call from the credit card company...payment was due...interest rate was now at 14%...finance charges...not on Sunday morning I thought as I was driving to my mother's house, I am not going to call them, I'll call them on Monday...finally I dialed the number with some angst in my chest and ready to fight, ready to defend myself until I remember as my cell phone was sliding towards my chest and close to my heart, I remembered I'll have to do is to speak from my heart, let my heart lead and connect with this person on the other end, let the heart lead without fear. The woman begun setting up the payment amount I had been denied and just asked me to choose a date for my next payment AND my interest rate would be now at 0% interest rate!! I couldn't believe it and asked for her name and thanked her and wished a great day and the rest of this day was spent full to the rim with my mother and niece travelling through the Mojave desert. Exceptional. Rich. Abundant. This is the beggining of bringing that thought of speaking from the heart, letting the heart lead and then my words can be full of what my heart is made out of. So back to vibration and sound: what does love sound like? Is it like the flight of birds soaring through the sky, is it like the gentle touch of dew upon the leaves of plants, is it winds settling down as the sun visits the other part of the Earth, is it in the sigh of finally letting go and trusting. I always wonder about the song of birds and how and where are they sending their vibration to and those plants that come and share their beauty with me, where is their vibration resonating in? If my vibration today is one of pure love then where is it resonating, what is it healing? What is it telling the universe, how far does my vibration resonate?
In the process of healing, of becoming whole, this was the missing piece that left me sleepless at night, the longing to be conected to all that is around me and beyond. The vibration of love is what I choose today.

More to come.....